Guilt Abuse


Guilt abuse - How can I work through the guilt I feel from the abuse I received? Guilt is a typical reaction in victims of abuse, but it can be overcome. You wonder, “If I had only done or not done this or that.” If you, as an abuse victim, feel guilty, you are taking on the blame for another’s actions. Victims often wonder how they have failed, but this is misplacing the blame. Recognizing this is the first step to recovering and getting on with a better life. Your abuse may have been physical, sexual, or emotional. It can happen to children, spouses, the elderly or anyone; you are not to blame. Neither are you alone; it can happen to any age, gender, or class. Coming out of abuse can have long term immeasurable effects such as:

  • bitterness and anger

  • hatred

  • distrust

  • or you may even repeat abusiveness toward others

    These residual effects can continue to destroy you long after the abuser has been removed from your life so the guilt must be dealt with. How do you work through it? Psychologists and ministers agree that there is only one true cure for hate and resentment. We must learn to forgive whether the abuser has repented or not. You may never see or hear remorse from the abuser, but for your own sake, you must forgive. This is not a matter of necessarily facing your abuser; it is a matter within yourself and between you and God. Remember the Serenity Prayer? One of the lines in it asks for the courage to change the things we can. That always begins with changing ourselves; in this case ridding ourselves of blame, hatred, and unforgiveness. Then the wounds can truly begin to heal. The Bible offers some great verses about forgiveness. We can read them daily or even hourly and they will give us encouragement and strength to work through the process of forgiveness and healing:

  • You may want to begin with Colossians 3:13 which states that we should forgive -- as the Lord forgives us. “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

  • Also giving us hope is 2 Corinthians 5:17: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

  • God is always there for us and He is our refuge. Psalm 9:9-10 tells us, “The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

    Although we do not know how (or when) God may bring us through a crisis, we do know that He will provide us with the strength.

  • Christ said in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.”

    If you are searching for a new life after abuse, won’t you turn to Jesus Christ and let his power work to bring you through the pain and guilt?

     

     

    Guilt – What is it? The dictionary defines the word "guilt" as a "feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined." Guilt is that part of the human conscience that brings us up short and convicts us for actions and thoughts. Guilt is an inherent human trait that should be seen as a gift, however, most of us do not see it as such and rather than deal with guilt, we naturally attempt to squelch it. However, guilt is that nagging voice with in us all that is like water upon a stone and is meant to bring us to a realization that there is a standard and we have fallen short, but whose standard is it? Seeing guilt in its proper light allows us to understand that it is a safety valve for the human condition. Guilt means there is a right and wrong way for us to operate and there are standards of what is good and what is worthy of guilt. The guilt "gene" is something that we are born with. To illustrate this truth, just observe a small child. Guilt – A Buzzing Problem My daughter, at eighteen-months-old, loved to climb up into the window seat in the dining room. It was summer and with other children going in and out of the house, flies were a problem and flies liked the picture window above the window seat. My daughter was fascinated with flies and she attempted to catch them. As you can imagine, it was something that I would rather she not do and she was told "no" on numerous occasions. Whenever I caught her trying to catch the flies, I would admonish her. One day, she managed to catch one just as I walked into the room. She quickly put the offending fly into her mouth. When I asked her where the fly was, she shook her head. Her face was a picture of guilt and I could hear the fly buzzing inside of her pursed lips. I was able to free the fly by prying that little mouth open and the fly flew away. Guilt is like that fly, it keeps buzzing until we deal with it. Guilt – The Remedy There is a right way and a wrong way to deal with guilt. Trying to hide it, as my daughter did to that fly, does not work. Guilt is God's way of telling us that we fall short of His standard and agreeing with God's standard is the right way to free us of guilt. What can you do when you are always feeling guilty? I can only speak from my own experience. Guilt brought me to the realization that I was a sinner (Romans 3:23). I also realized that I could not do anything about that on my own. I would clear my mind by saying I was sorry or asking for forgiveness of those I offended, but that did not quiet the guilty feelings. Then someone told me about a cure for guilt. Someone told me that I could live without condemnation. I was told that I could bring my emotional feelings into balance by trusting in Someone else. That Someone else was the LORD Jesus Christ. It was then that I turned my life over to Him by believing in Him and accepting His gift of grace that saves me. Now I am engaged in a relationship with Jesus that allows me to participate in a process of growing in faith. Now when guilt comes to me, I check my fellowship with God and if I have sin in my life, I confess it to God. Then I can walk in fellowship with God and the guilty feelings disappear. Having a relationship with Jesus does not make me perfect because I still sin. However, being a believer brings me truth that frees me from the condemnation of a guilty conscience that controls my emotions. Rather, I walk by His faith and He frees me from guilt. Trusting in God is the only real answer to freedom from condemnation and from being controlled by guilty feelings. - See more at: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org